Every once in a while I will get extremely lucky with what I say and when I say it, and it’ll wind up striking a chord with someone – that perfect phrase that can help lift someone’s spirits, or help them with that elusive self-realization. It’s pretty nifty when it happens (okay, I lie, it feels great) but it’s rarely when I expect it to happen, and a lot of times it’s never when I think I need it to happen.

( Screw it, I’m tired of retyping everything after this line. Blog or bust!)

I hate talking to my mom sometimes. She’s very good at hiding it, but sometimes there’s just this utter despair in her voice, and I can tell she’s close to tears. I know she’s not happy with her life and where things are right now, and I know there’s absolutely nothing I can do or say to make it better. I hate feeling helpless.

I won’t lie – money is part of it. My parents have never been wealthy. There’s always been food on the table, but it’s very much a paycheck to paycheck situation. They’ve always had “his” and “her” bills, and kept the separate bank accounts in addition to a joint account. This actually caused a huge problem a few years ago because my stepdad kept to himself how far behind he was on several of the bills – they wound up having to declare bankruptcy (which really sucked for my mom because not only had she paid off almost all of her credit card debt, she actually completely lost a several hundred dollar positive balance on one of her cards). They cleaned up their finances after that, both working their respective retail jobs (true story, I don’t make that much but I pull in more than the two of them did put together >.<) and handling their own bills again.

Until about a year ago when my stepdad hurt his knee and had to stop working. He was on disability for a while until they got surgery to fix it… but he hasn’t gone back to work, just stays at home and watches movies and plays internet poker all the time (God, I wish I’d never set them up with a computer. If I had known this would happen I definitely wouldn’t have.)

So my mom works her retail job. She does the bulk of the housework. She does a lot of the yardwork. And… that’s it. She just exists from day to day, trying to make ends meet while my stepdad blows through his retirement money to pay the mortgage and “his” bills.

I can tell she isn’t happy, and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.